Memories and Chai

I cherish the memories of the years I have spent since my birth – memories both sweet and bitter, memories of having gained a lot and having lost in equal measure, memories of time spent together with family and friends and of time spent in loneliness, craving for company, memories of growing up and facing the world.

Some of these memories are in the form of a motion picture, a continuous series of events down to every detail, which I have played in my head so many times that they won’t be forgotten in a hurry. Whenever I get time, I can peacefully sit down with a cup of tea and depending on my mood play back memories from my archive – feel drawn into that situation, analyze my feelings, stop, rewind, play and try imagining what would have happened if I had behaved differently or had done something else, what possibilities in life have I ruined just because of that action or those words. On the other hand there are other memories which are just spikes. As in I remember just moments from the entire incidents. Some memories are meant to be just moments : first crush, first proposal, first kiss, having seen a rainbow, having topped, having made a pet, etc etc.

Tea has this magical effect of getting me nostalgic. I have spent hours over tea ruminating. I feel I can never be alone. Though I am initially very apprehensive of how things would turn out when I am alone, I always settle down to a peaceful life all by myself, content with my memories and thought process even if it means not talking to anyone (beyond necessary talk) for days at stretch. I don’t know whether this is a defense mechanism or a symptom of being weird but I just love this thing about me – enjoying the process of life, knowing how you are shaping your life, what you have become because of the choices you made years back. After all it is the journey that is more important than the destination. Isn’t it?